JoeUncensored

long days journey into night

2011-11-13T19:56:00.001-08:00

my day is almost over,

tomorrow's just another day,

or so i keep saying.

will things ever change?

will good surpass bad?

as my day winds down,

this is what goes through my head...

tomorrow i go to court to defend myself against a stupid magazine

that said i breached contract,

when i didn't.

it's silly,

but necessary,

and i hope i do well.

i've had too much shit happen lately,

i don't need more drama...

i also have some person i photographed

bad mouthing me,

for what reason?

because haters hate,

they look for anything,

anywhere,

at any time.

it's tired,

i'm tired.

i'm very very tired.

defending mysekf is something i always seem to have to do.

it makes me sad,

it makes me bored,

and it makes me mad.

love me or leave me and let me be lonely,

otherwise,

just shut up...

long days journey into night

2011-11-13T19:56:00.000-08:00

my day is almost over,

tomorrow's just another day,

or so i keep saying.

will things ever change?

will good surpass bad?

as my day winds down,

this is what goes through my head...

tomorrow i go to court to defend myself against a stupid magazine

that said i breached contract,

when i didn't.

it's silly,

but necessary,

and i hope i do well.

i've had too much shit happen lately,

i don't need more drama...

i also have some person i photographed

bad mouthing me,

for what reason?

because haters hate,

they look for anything,

anywhere,

at any time.

it's tired,

i'm tired.

i'm very very tired.

defending mysekf is something i always seem to have to do.

it makes me sad,

it makes me bored,

and it makes me mad.

love me or leave me and let me be lonely,

otherwise,

just shut up...

for Jay

2011-11-12T04:05:00.001-08:00

my dear friend Jay,
when i was a little boy, very long ago, lol, i also dreamed the same dream you did, i wished for something else, i wanted something more, and i prayed to have something real, somewhere i could rest my restless head. like you, it was a winding uphill road, but that road is the one that got me exactly in the right place at the right time. splash bar, mark nelson's f-word, with you in front of my camera...don't ever forget that.
yours may not be the path often chosen, but the road you take will be yours.
if, for some reason, one of the deciding factors would have been different, the scene would change. so every thought, every move, every step counts, even if they take you in the wrong direction for a short time. but you, my friend, have a gift, and that gift is one that i haven't personally, received in a long time, and it's the gift of faith. you came upstate with every good intention, you threw caution to the wind and gave me 250%, and in that trust you showed in me, you opened up my eyes to realize that there is still hope, for the past two years have been bleak in my eyes. but you gave me hope, made me laugh, exposed yourself to my torturous shooting schedule, and helped me create images that i know for a fact, people will be talking about, long after we are both gone. you became a muse for me, you did better than you think you did, and you are something, and someone, i won't let forget that.
but, one more thing...
the roads we take, make us easy prey for those who travel economy class...they are more than happy to love us one minute, hate us the next. whatever they do or say, just remember you know better, because through your experiences that you will take in life, you will see them laughing, but let them laugh. don't let it hurt you, don't let them touch you too deep, because what you have is pure, natural, and beautiful, and you deserve everything you ever dreamed of. and when, 20 years from now, you have changed and morphed into whatever you are supposed to be, remember what i told you, and pass it on. the only way we gay people can exsist and be civil and intelligent, is to pass on what we have learned, because all of us have taken uphill roads, just all different paths.
as i passed the torch to you the past few days, you gladly accepted it, and in that, proved to me, you are one hell of a man, not a boy any longer...and deserving.

i love you, my dear friend, where there's no space or time, i will help raise you, all your life, you are a friend of mine. you are one of my boys now, and i can't thank you enough for being there, at the right place, at the right time.

and when my life is over,
remember,
when we were together,
we were alone, and i was singing a song for you...

http://jayrothinc.blogspot.com/

For You (OFFICIAL)

2011-11-11T22:15:00.000-08:00

i've been so many places in my
life and time,
i've sung a lot of songs,
and made some bad rhymes,
i've acted out my life on stages
with 10,000 people watching,
well, we're alone now,
and i'm singing a song to you.

this time it's a little different,
it's new, you don't know, or seem to care
about my wicked past,
the things you may have heard
didn't push you away,
didn't scare you off,
didn't leave a bad taste in your mouth,
it's just all a pure, natural love
that comes from my heart,
and means so much more
than you can imagine.

i've sung a lot of songs,
many of which have ended badly,
tragic crescendo's came crashing down
and tugged at strings on violins and the heart.
i am starting with you,
begining a new life,
and so,
just so you know,
this song is for you.

for years i have spent my life
becoming the image of what i thought i was supposed to be,
i treated me unkind,
and now, well, now i see,
theres nothing more important to me,
and maybe it's cause you saw through me,
we were alone, and i was opening up to you.
it's been so very hard
to live my life thus far,
i've acted out my on stages
with 10,000 people watching,
criticizing,
generalizing,
objectifiying,
and finally now,
am realizing,
there's no one more important to me,
then myself, and my love for what i do.
my road is a winding, steep, slippery one,
and yet, i climb,
step by step,
inch by inch,
day by day,
and on my last few steps,
you guided me,
showed me the other way,
the other path,
and just knowing there is one,
has helped me further than you can ever know.
and so,
i thank you,
and sing this song,
just for you.

i know your image of me,
is what i hope to be.

Adele Someone Like You (Real Talk Remix 2011)

2011-11-11T05:20:00.000-08:00

it's been 2 weeks now, and i can't,
i repeat can't
get this song out of my head.
it haunts me,
compels me to write, touch, feel, taste
every single ex i ever had.
even the bad ones..

you know
how the time flies
only
yesterday
was the time of our lives.
we were born and raised in a
summer haze
bound by
be surprised,
all the glory days
old friend
why are you so shy?
aint like you to hold back
or hide from the light.
i hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
but i
couldn't stay away
i couldn't fight it
i hoped you'd see my face and you'd be reminded
that for me
it isn't over...

never mind,
i'll find someone like you
i wish nothing but the best for you two,
don't forget me
i think
i remember you say
sometimes it lasts in love
sometimes it hurts instead...

it makes me sad,
it makes me think,
it makes me happy
it makes me weak
to think of all we leave behind,
what we once had,
what we once loved, cherished, worshiped and adored
and that they can be taken away from us.
we take these very things we think we could never live without,
and in our own minds,
destroy them
by jealousy, greed and ignorance,
so fast, and so easily.
nothing is permanent in this world,
it just all keeps spinning,
rotating, evolving.

never mind,
i'll find
someone else,
someday...

my Glory Days, or rather, self portraits when my body looked fierce!

Someone Like Me

2011-11-10T20:20:00.000-08:00

the whirl of sensations that overcame his mind body and soul

were justified.

his visions of grandeur excited him intensely,

and emotionally,

and even as he sat exhausted, with three thousand things on his mind,

he sat still, and relaxed.

his mind raced with ideas,

his heart jumped with enthusiasm,

his body quivered with anticipation,

for just yesterday,

he didn't see this coming...

or did he?

maybe it was everything he ever hoped for

actually forming piece by piece,

inch by inch,

step by step,

but in this case

more like leaps and bounds.

he knew.

he knew,

he knew and he didn't care anymore

about where he'd been,

what he'd seen,

how he'd been treated,

because this was new,

this was exciting,

this was all him,

himself,

and no one could take that away from him,

ever again.

cuming

2011-11-10T10:36:00.001-08:00

i couldn't stay away...

coming soon

the day before...

2011-11-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

it's the kind of excitement that a kid feels on Christmas eve.
it's a grumbling in the stomach,
a itching on the skin,
a head rush in your groin,
a groin surge in your head...
it should always be exciting.
it should always be fun,
it should always be nerve wrecking...
it's what you do,
it's how you do it,
it's the way you do it,
making sure everything is in order,
everything is in place,
everything is perfected, and then,
let it happen...
and the nervousness is nothing to be worried about,
but instead, celebrated
as part of a beautiful ritual.

the casting couch

2011-11-09T06:26:00.000-08:00

it's all in putting it together.
the tiny details,
the tiniest threads
that help create the whole image,
and make it one that is either plausable
or forgetable.

when i have an idea,
i know if it's good or bad by sitting on it for a day or two,
rethinking,
talking about it with confidents,
rethinking, again,
adding,
subtracting,
and in the end,
confiscating it's birth.
from the tiniest flaw to the greatest triumph,
it's all been thought out.

the model is the most important single element
that cannot be completely disected,
because the model is in fact,
the life of the final product.
people always used to say that models were stupid.
ha! i say,
they are the ones that bring the character to life,
and if you treat them like idiots,
then chances are,
they'll act like ones.
BUT, if you treat them with respect,
sincerity,
give them knowledge as to what your trying to create,
give them who they are to be,
when they are doing it,
how they are doing it,
they can take your idea,
and make it fantstic.
and so, i am about to put my faith in the hands of
one of my favorite new stars,
a boy named, Jay,
who embodies the look of what i want to achieve already,
throw on some David Dalrymple madness,
and sit back and capture,
and enjoy,
the show.

coming soon to a store near you,
the Joe Oppedisano 2012 calendar
staring Jay Roth,
and featuring looks by the legendary House of Dalrymple...
shot on location in Albany New York's finest suburbs,
(and some of it's not so fine ones),
dedicated and inspired by
the Go-Go boys of the world.

i love them,
i live them...

Go-Go Extravaganza!

2011-11-08T13:47:00.000-08:00

OMG!
here it was, the night and moment he had waited his entire adult life for!
The 2011 Hustler/Go-Go Boy Awards Ceremony,
and he was nominated for several of the main prizes...
but he never thought he's actually WIN!
that was for the most special of all,
and he just didn't think he was deserving of such recognition...
He thought, for sure,
he would snatch the Most On Time Hooker award,
since he always set his clock 15 minutes before just to make sure he was never late...
but when the MC announced the "Go-Go God of 2011 Award"
his heart just skipped a beat,
and he blushed,
just to be MENTIONED in this group of the MOST amazing go-go boys that Tulsa
had to offer,
was an honor,
but when the MC called his name,
it was as if the entire world came crashing down in glitter around him...
WHA-WHAT WHAT!!!!!
he screamed.
it was unimaginable, and he thought at first,
a cruel joke,
but no,
somehow, all his hard work had paid off, and in the realm of fabulousness that was his life,
he would now be amoungst the Creme de la Creme of the Go-Go elite...
was it too much to say,
but he was,
for the first time in his adult life,
ecstatic...
he would take this crown
and make sure he made them proud...

daddys boys

2011-11-08T09:18:00.000-08:00

theres nothing hotter than the feeling i get
when i'm with one of my "boy's"
the way they look up to me,
appreciating the respect i show,
the wisdom and knowledge i gladly pass on to them,
and the smiles from "knowing" things that
till then,
were just taken for granted,
or not accepted at all.
it is our duty as men,
grown up men in our 40's
to help guide and ultimately protect
our heritage as gay men.
it will disappear right before our eyes,
as the sport of cruising did with the onset of technology.
take resposnibility as an adult to
teach them well, and let them lead the way.
they think they know,
but they don't...
they think they're smart,
until you show them and explain to them,
why they aren't...

and whats hotter than the sight of a hairy masculine "daddy", with his hot wise ass jockboy "boy"?

ya got me.

the usless beauty of forgetting who we are by cruising manhunt

2011-11-07T23:35:00.000-08:00

as much as i cruise on line,
is as much as i realize i hate this...
its meaningless,
worthless,
mindless and sensless.
it's useless to cruise guys on line who
pretend they are as young as their pictures,
as cute as their images they think are great,
and as interesting and amusing as their "funny" haha profiles.

tonight i needed to get laid.
imupstate, and nothing is there to be found...
i met a few guys online who, of course,
didnt follow through.
they wanted to know where i was,
what i was into,
bla bla bla.
it's the same shit everytime.
with no final happy endings for joey-o.

it's destroyed the good old fashioned past time of cruising,
destroyed how we think, act, react and speak to each other
in every form of life.
we have forgotten what its like to be naturally turned on by someone when we see them walk down the street...
we are frightened, unless we see them on Grindr or Scruff.
will they like me?
what if theyre into something else?
big fuckin deal,
then maybe youve just made a new friendbut it's done,
it's useless for me to bithc,
so i'll just go to bed.
night.

moving through space

2011-11-02T11:42:00.000-07:00

today was just another day.
all of the panic, depression and craziness of moving
and halloween,
are over, and the state of decompression takes over.
in my head i am relieved
to have solved my dilema
and come out the other side,
a better man.
i feel like i've grown,
i feel like i've expanded mentally, physically, and emotionally.
the days of feeling sorry for myself are hopefully over,
and now i can move on to becoming
exactly what i'm supposed to be.
you have to go through certain unpleasentries
to accept and move on.
i feel like i've moved.

two directions one path

2011-11-01T06:12:00.000-07:00

there were two directions i could have gone,
one road was very striaght and narrow,
it looked pretty and serene and went by fields of hay with grazing cows.
the other seemed nice too, but it seemed to have sharp curves,
a big hill that was visible from where i stood,
and instead of being opened by fields,
was dark and woodsy
with tree branches and wild flowers growing wild into the road.
as i stood there, wondering,
my grandmother appeared,
i scratched my head, and she laughed...
"not every road is the same, baby" she saidd.
"they both get you where you're supposed to be, in the end,
but they take different paths and different directions,
it's your choice..."
i looked back at her, confussed,
but confident.
the road with the fields looked very pretty,
but the road with the forest looked like it could be scary and fun to walk.
"i'm going this way" i said, pointing to the winding, hilly path.
"i knew you would" she laughed,
"enjoy it.
it won't be easy, it's not for everyone,
but in the end, it's a more beautiful road if your careful."
she smiled making me smile,
as i turned to her and began to walk,
she stopped me and said something quite remarkable.
"when you get to the end, remember every step you took,
because every step will make you a better person,
every step will have meant something...
every step will take you one step closer,
every step will make you see things, question but do not judge,
because just because something might look scary,
it may be, in fact, mild, even nice,
and just because a hill looks high,
just means when your done, you'll be happier it's over."
then she stepped closer to me, and hugged me.
i had no idea where she was going with this,
but i listened,
smiled, hugged her back,
and turned and ran down the winding road...

You'll Never Stand Alone

2011-10-31T17:29:00.000-07:00

if there's a time
when the tears should fill your eyes,
and you cant see past the shadows
to the sun on the other side,
don't despair,
because there will always be someone there...
don't lose faith
love wont let you lose your way because you,
you'll never stand alone
i'll be standing by
i'll keep you from the cold
i'll hold you when you cry
i'll be there to be strong when you can't
find the strength inside,
and you,
you'll always have a home
in these arms of mine,
you'll never stand alone,
love is standing by...

these words best describe the place i stand at this very moment.
they symbolize and help me visualize
the despair from where i have been,
and the lonliness that i've felt,
the heartache i have seen,
and the heros i have let into my life.
i was homeless,
cold, tired, lonely, and trying to stay sober,
i was down and out
and at my end,
but when i looked up,
i saw a friend.

i am a lucky man, because of them,
they took me in, fed and clothed me,
helped me laugh,
made me smile,
and in the end,
protected me,
which in turn,
saved me.
because of them i am alive,
i'm safe,
and i thank them.

don't be afraid to open yourself up,
to let someone else in,
because you never know when
you will be the one in need...
no one is beyond that fate,
no one is above that place.

be nice to someone today,
it may help save someone you love.

melotic melodies

2011-10-31T12:01:00.000-07:00

with nothing to do,
he usually got depressed.
yet, for some reason,
today he decided that he would not allow himself that pleasure,
and instead,
decided to do something to perfect his craft
and so, make himself better.
the road to depression is an easier road to take,
you just sit back and do nothing except gloat,
remember the glory days,
and wish you were back in them...
but nothing stays the same...
time marches on,
and so does life.
if everything remained the same constantly,
we'd find that something to be depressed about also,
and so,
it's better to have our ups, and downs...
no matter how high, or low they take us.
higher is better,
but lower makes us realize just how special and amazing
the high times are,
and just how much we appreciate them.

he smiled for a minute,
understanding things he never could figure out before,
yet for some reason today,
they just all fell into place,
and like domino's falling,
created a sound in his head that sounded like a melody,
a sweet, melotic melody.

less than 24 hours

2011-10-31T04:50:00.000-07:00

it hadn't even been twenty four hours upon his return
but yet he already felt comfortable and relaxed.
the worries and the frustrations he had,
only hours before,
seemed like worlds away.
although he wasn't completely "happy"
about the situation he was in,
he wasn't completely miserable either.
things would be okay,
problems would get straightened out,
and the situation would get resolved.
that, he knew to be true.
sometimes you have to take a detour
to get to the right place,
at the right time,
and in time,
for what really mattered.

and as insane as it sounded,
his mind, which had previously been ablur,
was coming into focus.
things that had been all jumbled together
were separating out,
falling into order, and place.

things would be better this time,
for this time, it seemed less like a punishment
and more like a second chance.
this love which had once seemed tainted,
now seemed reinstated
with what and how
it should have been,
all along...

Tainted Love (Uncut)

2011-10-31T04:49:00.001-07:00

maybe

2011-10-30T13:51:00.000-07:00

and then suddenly,
as the last few sentences
formed the last few paragraphs
to the final chapter
he realized that maybe there wasn't going to be a happy ending after all...
maybe this book would finish off
on an unhappy note.
maybe the main character wouldn't fall in love,
maybe he wouldn't solve his problems,
maybe he was nothing more than a messy addict
who, in the end,
didn't deserve to love,
have a home,
or a future...
maybe from this book was the one character Johnny Depp
would finally win an Oscar for playing,
the sad, lonely mess,
who dies alone at the end,
with no one around,
no one to shelter him,
no one to comfort him...
maybe, wait, just MAYBE
there was a second part where things all worked out,
but in his heart he knew,
this book was now finished
the story had ended,
the book was now closed.

he cried.
he hated this book.

Time runs out

2011-10-30T01:48:00.000-07:00

because today is the last day,

i have decided not to let a nano second get past me

without using it,

experimenting in it,

examining,

conversing,

redefining,

and spending every second

making sure i get the very most,

because it's the least

i can do.

i haven't slept in 2 days,

my nights are spent editing, retouching, reworking and reorganizing

all of the things i have spent the last 2 months avoiding.

but now its too late,

i need to get all of this done in the few and final hours

as they approach and pass.

it makes me sad,

but it makes me excited,

to know i have yet another second chance

to do over

what i did wrongly the last time.

this time,

i have 4 months to get my head back in the right place,

a positive place

redefine and reassess my work,

and start from scratch

with the onset of a new career in the wings.

today is the day,

i wont waste another second.

FRANK SINATRA - THAT'S LIFE (DJ ERB REMIX)

2011-10-29T20:03:00.000-07:00

Nina Simone - I Can't see nobody (Daniel Y Remix)

2011-10-29T20:02:00.000-07:00

Classic House-Sade (Pearls)Remix

2011-10-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

Frank Sinatra - My Way (Beat Syndrome Remix)

2011-10-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

Adele - Someone Like You

2011-10-29T19:24:00.000-07:00

Pet Shop Boys - What Have I Done To Deserve This

2011-10-29T19:19:00.001-07:00

Pet Shop Boys - Always On My Mind

2011-10-29T19:19:00.000-07:00

Pet Shop Boys - Domino Dancing

2011-10-29T19:18:00.002-07:00

Pet Shop Boys - West End Girls

2011-10-29T19:18:00.001-07:00

Left to my own devices

2011-10-29T19:18:00.000-07:00

given the time to explore nothing,

i decided to go all out and play,

a game i haven't had the opportunity to play lately,

nor will have the opportunity to play in the near future.

a day of nothing,

left to my own devices,

i probably did...

all the things i've missed,

all the loves i've lost,

all the men i never had,

if i wanted to

today i could have.

it was a day of unbridled, monumental nothings..

all made up from the fact that

everyone felt like me today,

the same,

bored.

concrete jungle where dreams are made of

2011-10-29T11:01:00.000-07:00

and it rained,

then it snowed,

and for one day in time,

the city,

which was usually alive with everything the world could offer,

was shut down.

you could hear a pin drop

because everyone had hibernated,

everyone had closed themselves into their own world,

worlds which were rarely never seen,

got opened up, and studied

it was a time of inner peace,

inner reflection,

and total relaxation

nothing had to be done,

no one needed to be called,

it was all put off,

just for the day, anyway.

tomorrow everything would be back to normal,

back to stressful,

back to hateful.

ode to ML

2011-10-29T03:58:00.000-07:00

they say i bore,
they say it's been seen,
oh really?
could u please show me?
they make it wrong
when it feels so right
the times i did it
were the times of my life,
but the haters hate
and say again,
the same bs
to all their "friends"
those who do
nothing new
yawn, i'm bored,
is it really true?
you put me through it,
you put me through
time and again,
and it was only you...
you bore me,
you're tired,
move on,
get a clue,
you've said it before,
and it was just as lewd,
so save it
store it,
make it go away,
you've got nothing left here
for me,
shut up,
don't say...
the same old shit
that you think u can,

cause i'll prove you wrong,

time and again.

the show must go on

2011-10-21T12:26:00.000-07:00

as the day dies
the evening starts to come alive,
and the creatures of the night
become the norm of the moment
while the creatures of the daytime
slumber till their wake in 8 or so hours.
but it is these creatures of the night
that make my head spin into a frenzy
of passion, ecstasy and vision
for the evening that lays before me is one
that makes all i am,
come to life.

the event is the number one rated dance party in the country,
The F-Word, at Splash,
hosted by Mark Nelson and Mistress Formika.
This evening, I will be photographing the legendarily exquisite cast
of Splash go-go boys,
who have become legend, only because they are considered
the most handsome and buff of all the go-go boys in the world

My dear friend David Dalrymple, designer extraordinaire
has created pieces for me in the style of Mad Max,
and we are also filming a youtube film of the debauchery.

i'm sure i'll be retouching the images all night,
so stay tuned.
xo
joe

here's some images i just shot for Cockyboys,
enjoy.

one step forward

2011-10-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

his two worlds had collided,
leaving his mind confused and his body abused.
it wasn't natural exciting, or even fair anymore
it was as if time had spun out of control
after the years of yearning and wanting,
it just didn't seem natural, or real.
everything he had wanted, he had always gotten,
but this time,
this time he was getting what he asked for
but not as soon as he would have liked,
and so he had time to kill,
and time to kill was his death.
it let his mind wander
his heart race,
and his body wander to places it was trying to avoid.
but it was so easy to find those places and faces,
they were there everywhere,
smiling and inviting,
welcoming even.

welcome back, he thought,
as he dropped his head and took his next step forward.
tomorrow is just another day.
he had been defeated before,
but he always fought back,
and in the end,
won.

funny, isn't it?

2011-10-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

i got my education
i got a reputation
i know that devastation,
can happen in
every situation.

funny to be known,
yet completely unknown.
in different situations,
i can appear, be seen, but unnoticed.
just now, i was chatting with a trick that
i had been fucking for about 2 hours.
he, for some reason,
asked my last name,
and when i told him, he almost droped.
"OMG, ur THAT Joe"
he said...
lol
i guess i am.
but what did that mean?
had he heard rumors,
or knew my work?
my work, thankfully,
not the rumors...

but that just goes to show me
that no matter what i do,
i must always be on my best behavior...
or else.
over the years
i have tried desperatly to always be nice,
never nasty or rude,
and loyal and true to those who have supported me.
i only wish that others felt the same way.
i've been lied to,
taken advantage of,
stollen from,
and just about every other thing that one nasty queen can do to another.
i hate it, and so, am always on my best behavior,
it was funny, today,
i ran into my "ex" chris raucci,
the devil incarnate,
and when he saw me, at first,
his mouth dropped,
at second glance,
he had a screaming fit and swung at me,
calling me an asshole.
me?
i'm the one YOU fucked over Mr Raucci...
but maybe he forgot...
maybe he didnt remember he lied and went on a crack binge,
and told me he got lost in baltimore...
maybe, chris....
but, say what you want,
i know the truth,
and i guess,
sometimes,
thats just good enough.

everything counts in large amounts

2011-10-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

everything counts in large amounts.
the things you do,
that don't cost you a thing,
are the things that make everything
fair and even in the world.
it's a thing called karma,
it's a thing called being nice,
and being true to yourself,
while you help another.
make them feel good about themselves,
make them smile,
and make them laugh

if i see someone who looks like they spent just that
extra two seconds of time on themselves
to make themselves look or feel better,
i tell them
stop someone on the street and tell them hom nice they look,
how good they smell,
how cute their shoes are...
it makes a difference.

forty days and forty nights

2011-10-16T07:46:00.000-07:00

forty-eight days had passed
and yet, no sign.
things had gotten slightly better,
but just slightly,
and the worst part was,
through it all, he was alone.
trapped inside four walls,
a prisoner of his own mind.
he had reached out to friends,
but they never seemed to reach back.
the only one that was with him,
side by side,
through thick and thin,
good or bad,
was his dog,
who had become his true best friend.
he never imagined that there could be such a love
or that he'd experience such a closeness,
never with another human,
but Buddy, Buddy was different.
he was always there,
by his side,
looking up,
smiling,
wanting to play,
wanting to love.
and this gave him hope,
made him smile,
and made everything that was going on around him,
seem okay.

searching without finding.

2011-10-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

everyone has their own agenda.
for good or bad, they use what they can
to try and make it work best for them,
in their favor,
or into a situation that is suitable for them
as i search desperately for an apartment in this jungle of a town,
i feel nothing but dysfunction,
seclusion and revulsion.
the prices are insane, the people are uncooperative,
and the spaces are minuscule
i am staying with my ex, paying him rent,
and yet on a daily basis,
i hear his woes of despair as to when i'll be out of the apartment.
his new bf wants me out,
never wanted me here,
but i fast talked around that queen...
what ever happened to people trying to help each other?
of good deeds, or good karma being returned?
is it all a lost art,
or just another time?
can i jump this final hurdle
or will i fall,
after accomplishing everything else,
and still be a loser?

time ticks,
seconds pass,
minutes fly...
and where the hell am i?

searching without finding.

what do you want?

as good as it gets

2011-10-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

as good as u give
is as good as it gets,
no more of your fibs
ur not worth it, yet,
u try and u try
but it gets harder n harder
no more with the lies
makes u beg steal and borrow.
ur getting older my friend
and really, in the end
u'll see what i mean
and i won't have to scream,
i'll just say it real slow
just what you outta know...
ur tired ur mean
or old and ur wretched,
u speak nothing but hate
u act out day to day
u mean nothing but evil
it's become ur retrieval
u fall back on it always.
arent you tierd of being
the third in ur three ways?
tierd of lies
tierd of living
tierd of acting
tierd of decieving?
underneath a discuise
it must get so boing
to be u, i mean
theres nothing worth living for,
in your life, i mean.
so forget what u've heard,
i'll forget what u've said
now it's time for me
to get u outta my head.

You Got Me

2011-10-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

if your love is strong,

and it comes from the heart,

aint no man strong enough

aint no time long enough,

to tear it apart.

and thats what i have,

believe it or not.

so on the final days

if i took all the hurt and pain,

i'd end up on top...

after the ravenous few months of living in uncertainty,

today feels like the day when everything seems to have some sort of stability.

the anguish of looking for an apartment has left me traumatized,

but the search for a job, or rather,

contract, with the right company has been resolved.

i have a home away from home,

and it feels safe and secure.

my initial reaction to being homeless is fear,

but i know in my heart that it is just a fear without substance, for the family of friends i've built over the last two decades has made it impossible for me to ever be without some kind of security that i will have some place to crash.

and now, in my new work enviroment, i am starting to feel like the tides have changed, the lonliness is leaving me and the beginning of a new world is evolving for me.

it feels good.

it feels like i belong, it feels warm, i feel protected, i feel like my old self again...and for once, that's a nice feeling...

so,
like it or not,
i'm truly back, and better than ever.
you got me...
now deal with it.

it's a small (GAY) world, after all...

2011-10-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

well, to give some kind of drama to my 200th post of this blog,
none of which have been very interesting i might add...
something good and kind of gossip-y came, rather fell,
into my lap this evening.

as it's a holiday weekend, and i'm not working till tuesday,
i decided to get on manhunt and look for a piece of ass.
well, i found one,
and as luck would have it,
when he came by, the 1st thing he said was...
"i think i fucked up"
what did he mean i asked.
"your ex, i was talking about hooking up w/this guy earlier,
he said he had another bottom coming over,
but when i told him i might be hooking up and could i bring you,
he asked who u were,
and i told him,
then he said...
oh no, that's this kids ex..."

my mind raced to think of who it could be...
was it brad?
no, couldn't be...
was it hilton,
no, never...
as it turns out, it's the insatiable bottom himself,
chris raucci.
it never fails to amaze me how fast this boy has swung around and hit
every major hairy daddy top in the city....
shocking really,
but good for him really,
but at the same time i started to wonder...
how and why did that guy know chris and i had a past to begin with?
he must have been warned or exposed to this fact,
or else,
how would he even know?

after wondering this for about 2 minutes i realized,
it was a compliment,
no matter how you saw it, because,
i was still haunting him.
all the drama and dispair i endured,
all the lies i was fed,
the two faces i met,
they all still got spooked when they thought they'd run into me,
for what i might do,
what i might say,
how i might react,
how indeed i'd display
my hate for his face,
his little white ass,
his boney, scrawny frame,
no one's to blame,
he's so crass,
his being...
his breath,
his death,
his love for meth,
is what i once wished for,
but now i know he's met his match.
for i know that he wonders,
is scared to run into
me,
and i wondered,
is his life such a mess
could he
and then i thought again and realized...
does he matter enough?
didn't i do that,
and moved on?
and thats when i decided his memory
should just be gone...
he's yesterdays news,
just another used hole,
nothing important,
no more time does he hold
the time that i wasted,
the things that i thought,
the trouble i tasted
on each lie that i bought.
so this chapter is finished
for one of us, though,
this book has been read,
cover closed,
end of show.

the end.

i'm a bore

2011-10-08T20:35:00.000-07:00

time n time again,
i try to be good
but cause of who i am,
i'm always misunderstood.
guys think i'm a whore
but truth is, i'm a bore,
never doing the things they project on me...
they know what they like,
they like what they see,
but in the end all they do is neglect me.
don't think it's a lie
when you tell you that i
don't sleep with my models
why would i,
set myself up to be caught
i sincerely think not,
why who when where what?
if i told u that i
have no reason to lie,
would you believe if i had
an alibi?

don't dispose
of my love,
just because
you think you're above
me
theres somethings that you rarely see.
what i do for work
is just that,
but it hurts
when you take aim and say it's another.
it sucks to be me
when you say what you feel
but if i love you, it's real.
there's something different inside
take me for a test ride,
just don't believe what you think to be real,
cause i tell you it's not true,
i promise i wouldn't lie to you,
it's true,
don't make it such a big deal.

how deep would you go?

2011-10-05T06:11:00.000-07:00

http://soundcloud.com/gelyt/how-deep/s-dEFug

the best things in life
are things we really want,
and things that mean so much to us.
there are things that we will never get,
unless,
we reach out and ask.
i'm working on a video that means a lot to me.
it is for a singer who
is amazing...
her voice is like an angel,
her sweetness is like candy,
and we are trying to raise coins to get the video made.
it's an incredible opportunity
for an incredible bumch of people
to make a minimal donation
to make a dream of one of our own,
come true.
it's this easy..

help!
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/805853422/maria-salandras-new-dance-song-how-deep-can-you-go

you never know when you could use the help of others.

get deep in those pockets queens!
how deep will you go?

Norah Jones Live Dont Know Why

2011-10-01T16:46:00.001-07:00

all my friends are dead

2011-10-01T16:46:00.000-07:00

this morning, at Murrays Bagels on 8th Ave.,
a small older guy, maybe 50's walks by me
with a t-shirt that reads "all my friends are dead"
with a drawing of a dinasour on it.
i immediately got sad, because i thought
that poor guy...
then, as he walked past me,
Norah Jones, "Dont know Why"
came on.
Norah and i have a very torrid relationship,
as she reminds me of Mitchell Fink,
the love of my life for about 8 months,
the guy who looked so much like me,
we became "escorts" together,
as a brother duo.
this was one of those relationships that you look back on and say,
what the fuck was i thinking?
yet,
i never would have changed one second.
i don't know why i didnt call...
norah.
hmmmm,
some songs,
moments of pure enlightenment and nostalgia,
combined with what you thought the very fisrt time you saw him.
music is an unbelieveable power.

so when i left Murray's.
i was completely depressed, couldn't think or stand,
i was realizing that that "old" man in the bagel shop
was me!
all my friends are dead.
is that what i had become?
is it possible?
plausable?
it's questionable if there's even an inkling
of truth to it,
it's impossible.
me!
me.
me.
and so i understood, in those very seconds of my life
that i must change because
the world aint gonna accept me for feeling sorry for myself.
i once had it all,
i was at the top of my game,
and i would have no one tell me differently.
now,
i feel alone,
insecure,
and sad, confussed and disillusioned.

then i went and met 3 of my best friends for Starbucks,
and then back to Murrays beagels, one last time for the day.
(health bagel with strawberry cream cheese, the best!)
realizing that i was sharing actual space with friends who weren't dead,
made me feel better,
more powerful inside,
more excited to be alive.
and so i went to Gristedes to pick up a snack,
and ran into 2 old friends who i've known for years,
but hardly get to see them,
begged them to let me photograph them,
and then realized something more...
my friends weren't dead,
but alive and well,
and living their lives as they like,
in relationships,
with families,
and i understood then,
what i needed to do in my life to make this change of life
go a little more smoothly and less vicious to my brain.
i needed to start realizng who i was,
who i am,
what i am,
how i am,
where i am,
when i am
just joe oppedisano.
never believeing anyone knows who i actually am,
i walk through life forgetting,
i have friends,
i am loved,
and i love...
and i have done some great things,
but
there's more inside i've been keeping bottled up.
there's a new chapter waiting to be written,
a new sun rises,
and so
the return of my self esteme came back to me,
and gave me the courage to rethink, renew and restart
my life.
not to be ashamed of anything,
hold your head up high,
look straight aheah,
and march!

bees to honey

2011-09-30T20:17:00.000-07:00

like a moth to the flame, burned by the fire,
that's the way life is...

understand that what i say is fact,
it may hurt some of you,
but the fact remains, unscathed...
and here is the truth your mama never told you,
or she did but you were too dumb to listen to her

some people just don't seem to understand the importance of just being nice.
craziness runs rampant in our world,
people say and do things to each other that,
if done to oneself,
they would have a hissy-fit over.
theres something to be said for just being nice, sweet, and a good person.
the more people i meet,
the more i understand this,
the more i respect this,
and cherish it in my friends.

everyone has their limits,
not everyone likes them pushed,
constanly,
yet, in the world we live in,
they seem to be pushed out of control,
pushing and breaking boundaries that
in any other society,
we wouldn't be let to live, if we did.
the chineese hang people for such things, don't they?

all i know, today is,
the more people i meet,
the more i think are idiots.
they lack the basic knowledge of the fact that,
you get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.

happy...be happy

2011-09-29T06:54:00.000-07:00

today is just another day
away from yesterday,
i begin a new.
starting life all over again
is simply what i will do.
i cannot take
the way i've felt
because of the way
the cards have been dealt
theres only one way
and it comes from within,
look deep down inside,
and you truly can win.

today i'm trying things a different way,
another way,
than the way i've tried them the last few days.
all day i'm going to think of puppies and the easter bunny,
happy thoughts,
because otherwise
i go to my dark side,
which is bleak.
today is a new day,
let's get it started...

Oops!...I Did It Again

2011-09-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

and so, as happens,

mistakes were made,

decisions turned bad

and lessons became unlearned.

again, it is just a part of life.

but knowing in your heart that somethings gone awry

is one step closer to a solution.

the main objective to this theory is this;

we all make mistakes,

nothing is perfect,

no one is right all the time,

there will be good days,

and bad,

and some will make lasting impressions that,

can change you and your attitude

for the rest of your life

i thought i had learned my lessons,

i thought wrong.

i thought i had hit rock bottom,

think again.

i thought the worst days of my life

were over,

and maybe now, after today,

they are.

i'm taking a break from life.

from myself,

and i am going to become someone else.

someone i can look up to,

someone i can aspire to be like,

someone other than me.

for i'm tired of myself,

my same excuses,

same mistakes

it's time to grow up...

reprehend and amend

2011-09-28T13:26:00.000-07:00

as i look in the mirror
do i like what i see
in the darkened reflection
that looks back at me?

did i fuck it up again?

is this the last time?

why do i keep doing things

i know deep down, aren't fine?
but my mind plays terrible tricks on me

it makes me think

i like what i see,

it seems as though

they are alright for me,

but the tests have proven

time and again

that these things are not good,

i should know.

i depend

on the knowledge

i rejoice that i've been

substantially sober,

miraculously clean.

but the mind is a terrible

thing to waste,

if i don't start using mine, soon,

it will vanish without a trace.

am i no longer valid?

not enough to embrace

the fact that my kind

is at a dinosaur's pace,

becoming as extinct,

leaving no trace

of the world it once knew

now it's gone,

what a disgrace.

to think i was once

on top of the world,

now i look back and i see

how the times, they have twirled.

no longer on top

have hit my rock bottom?

can i ever get back?

or am i simply forgotten?

as i sit here alone,

i pretend not to see

the people walk by

they don't even notice me.

but from somewhere deep down,

a shout can be heard,

it's from deep in my soul,

and it may seem absurd...

i don't want to give up,

don't want it to end

i'll do what it takes,

make it right,

reprehend and amend.

frustration

2011-09-28T07:57:00.000-07:00

you never know when something extraordinary will happen,
so you just hold on and wait,
hoping that someday,
one day,
this day,
will be the day.
today i woke up feeling better than i had in weeks,
rested, restored and rejuvenated.
i had my 3 cups of coffee,
smoked my allotted morning cigarette
and proceeded with my search(s).
day after day this search has become almost routine,
yet the benefits have yet to be seen.
the promise of a brighter day has made me unbelievably anxious,
unraveled, and unnerved.
there has got to be a better way to achieve and receive
this promised golden opportunity that i'm not even sure exists anymore...

as hard as i try,
is as hard as i fall,
when i get no response
i feel like i've got nothing at all.
what do they want?
where will this lead?
what is the answer?
i need something to happen,
i need something, indeed.
but the day becomes night
and then night turns to day
without any responses
to the efforts i've made.
it's become so demanding
on my psyche, you see,
i'm a ball of confusion,
but i still try to succeed.
i've hit the bottom,
now i'm trying to climb up top.
there's no place left to go,
and i just cannot stop,
or the place that i'll be
is the place that i dread,
what will become of me, i wonder,
as i lay in my bed.
tossing and turning,
things go through my head
as i recant and recall,
some of the things i have said,
in emails and calls,
constantly searching,
for anyone at all
to say that they've heard me.
i'm not that bad,
i'm better than i was,
but the question remains,
will i succeed
or refrain
from finding a job and a home
in my name.
i've got just 3 days
before my times up,
what is the answer?
or should i just give it all up?

tick tock

2011-09-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

as the clock ticks,
the seconds go quicker,
and the minutes are numbered
by the hours they keep.
it moves so fast,
it comes and goes so quickly
that in a matter of a month,
it seems as if no time has passed.
a year goes by without understanding where summer went,
and when exactly the snow will end.

i am living in space right now,
and it's not my own space,
but a space carved out for me,
made by me,
and given by my friend to help save me.
but the time goes by so fast,
and everything i tried to do in that time frame
has not come to full fruition yet,
and so i am left hanging.
wondering,
hoping,
anticipating
what my future will hold in the next months.
did i do what i was supposed to
to earn my futures success?
did i go far enough in looking for a way out,
or did i squander my time?
did i accomplish everything i should have?
will i wake up in thirty days
back where i was last month?
will i live to see myself back on top?
or will it all come crumbling down around me?
the answer is not so simple,
it's not an easy one,
and it's one i'll have to deal with
one way or the other.

things have seemed to get clearer for me,
even through the haze of unsureness.
i know now what i want
when i see it,
where i want to be,
when i sense it
and who i want to be,
and be with,
when i feel them.

i'm scared right now,
i don't know whats up or down,
what i have
what i have lost
where i've been
where i'm going.
it all seems like a jumble.
it's certain that i am uncertain,
that is for sure,
for my days seem numbered,
as the clock ticks by
today is gone,
tomorrow is just another day,
and hopefully, a successful one,
hopefully, a sane one.

reinventing the wheel

2011-09-27T10:24:00.000-07:00

they say,
as you get older,
time goes by more quickly...
and so i'm finding out, is true.

my month long stint in orderto reinstate, reinvent
and reinvest my life to a higher power,
has gone well,
although, not exactly as i'd hoped.
i got two wonderful jobs,
three amazing apartment leads,
and just now, some good news.
although nothing yet has been set in stone,
the opportunities are rising,
and so are my hopes.

as much as i loved being home with my family
and taking care of their needs,
my needs must also be considered,
and so,
i must work harder and more diligently than i even think i have been.
my fears of what my future could be,
devistate me, and so does the idea that i am,
a has been...
and the clock ticks faster all the time.
the month flew by,
leaving me full of anticipation,
agitation
and aggrivation,
making way for a soon to be time of relaxation
with few obligations.

this is the time i must be clean,
sober of mind body and spirit,
and the only addiction can be job and apartment hunting.
the time to be a mess is past me now,
theres no time to transgress,
it's time to start a new,
fresh, and ensue
to secure my destination to a new horizon.

wish me luck,
my time is running out...
tick tock

it's just that easy

2011-09-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

being the fool that i am,

never second guessing, never looking back,

i open my mouth sometimes,

and what comes out is either ridiculous,

or genius.

occasionally a bad joke,

but otherwise, it's one or the other.

sometimes i speak,

just to hear myself babble,

or just to listen to see what some of the things i think in my head,

really sound like when spoken aloud.

sometimes after i have said something,

people around me turn and look at me with disgust,

or envy.

their faces either look terrified

or mesmerized with disbelief

or repulsion.

it's a look that signals to me,

they had wished they had said it themselves..

but would never.

it says what i mean,

it means what i say,

there's no questioning my motives

no double meaning to be uncovered,

it's just what i mean

at the second i feel it,

speak it,

and say it.

it isn't always politically correct,

or morally responsible

but it gets across what it is i want to get across,

and never let's you have to question how i feel.

there's never a doubt in your mind that i love

or hate you,

because in the end,

when all is said and done,

it's obvious,

except if your oblivious,

then it's not mysterious

when i speak i speak and i'm serious,

it may seem to some to be ridiculous,

if you think what i say is hideous.

it's actually quite simple,

to live this way,

say what i say

and never question

why i feel this way,

because it's meaning is to display

the thoughts i have on life,

day to day.

it's easier to live this way

than living any other way

for me it makes things

seem okay

instead of lying to your face,

someday

and being called upon it

to explain

why i said what i said that day,

was it a lie,

or are we ok?

i hate lying, anyway.

life's much easier this way.

A.D.D. n me

2011-09-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

we all have our own pace,
some are slow and methodical,
while others breeze through things at insane speeds
leaving the methodical ones in the dust.
but which is better
in the long run?

i'm a child of the A.D.D revolution
where everything that happens
has already,
somewhere else in my mind,
happened before.
or at least i think it has.
my mind is warped with the speed of which it moves,
and the ideas swirl like me, the last time i did G.

other people around me's heads spin
as i take a concept and finish it within seconds of starting it.
it begins and ends in the same moment,
making me realize my genius
is based on the fact that i don't think twice,
never second guessing
and never looking back.
it's a gift,
and a nightmare
for me and everyone who knows me.
but it makes me tick,
it keeps me guessing as to how i'll respond next,
and makes me wonder why i ever
doubted myself in the past
or will again in the future.

the time has finally come when
to make the next step,
i have to accept the fact that i,
am taking responsibility for
everything in my life
that's about to change,
one way or the other
it will change.

meeting Mr. Right, the man of my dreams...

2011-09-23T17:32:00.000-07:00

the simplicity of doing the right thing
overshadows the complexity of doing it wrong.
for so many years,
i tried to do things the right way,
only realizing i was in fact,
doing them the right way,
but on crack,
which made it actually not as simple as it should have been.

realizing my mistakes,
i have found new ways to fuck up my right things.
for one, i have started dating guys who are absolutely wrong for me,
putting stock into them,
and then,
spending way too much time with them,
devoting whole days and weekends to them,
and then,
neglecting my own needs,
such as finding an apartment,
getting a job
or being with my dog,
which only leads me to the inevitable disappointment.
typical

for example,
last week i met a guy,
just my type...
Italian, my height, stocky, muscled, huge cock, total bottom...
we spent a few hours together,
had amazing sex,
ate dinner,
fucked again,
and then, as is typical,
he had to leave because,
his boyfriend was going to be home from work soon...
fuck!
how is it there are a billion fags and i can't find a single one.
again, typical.
i have the amazing luck/misfortune of a man who gets far in life,
has almost everything he needs,
except can't get the one thing he really wants,
a man.
a real man, not some Chelsea-wanna-be-bitch from da hood...
a man who will be cool, treat me great, respect me, and grow with me.
why's that so hard?

the other guy i fell for recently of course likes to have sex with me,
but is afraid of dating because he doesn't trust me in the job i do,
only because i mentioned i wanted to photograph HIM,
and before i knew it, HE was all over ME,
let's get that straight,
it wasn't the other way around...

anyway,
the things we want,
we never get
the things we get,
we never really want,
or we'd rather exchange for something else...
isn't that the way it works?
for me, the answer is yes.
and in a way,
i've just grown accustomed to it,
and started to accept it,
as one of the things that,
until it's meant to be,
will not change.
but at least i know in my heart,
i am going in the right direction,
not taking any side roads,
and in the end,
after all,
it will work out perfectly.

Red Rain

2011-09-21T15:24:00.000-07:00

the turning point is only a phase.

a phase that can last for years,

or take less than a second.

my intersections are criss-crossed upside down and sideways

the past few months,

leaving my mind useless, but at the same time productive.

the harder i'm pushed

the more things seem to fall into place and make sense

they say that the best things in life are never easy.

i can agree with that.

no longer will i take for granted the natural formation of something

that seems organic, but is really a labor of love.

these are the times of my life that i, someday, hope to be thankful for.

for these are the things, although i wish didn't have to happen,

are the very same things that will make me stronger,

let me grow,

and become the person i am meant to be.

it may be raining now,

but tomorrow is just another day away,

and the sun just may peek it's head out long enough

to show me some kind of hope.

i have no doubt of this.

crossing intersections

2011-09-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

there are some intersections and crossroads in the world that leave you speachless because of their beauty, or just because they are unexpected today i was walking Buddy, and we went across town to 5th avenue to one of my favorite crossroads, the Flatiron Building. it stands alone with no buildings at either side majestically, and soars into the heavens it's truly one of my favorite NYC landmarks.
the streets, 5th Ave and Broadway criss cross and go on either side of the building, so it's basically standing there alone in the world, which is kind of how i'm feeling right now.
the crossroad my life has taken has led me to an intersection that has me puzzled for so many years i have always been in control of my life, myself, my surroundings. i've worked for myself, freelance, since i was 24 years old, which taught me little about structuring my time. i was always on time, as i have a built in clock in my head, but i also put things off till the last minute...not such an ideal thing.
for a person who works for themselves, it's easy to get everything done and then spend the rest of their day hanging out doing nothing.
at the same time i'm looking for a job, i'm also looking for an apartment. if you've ever done that in NYC, you know exactly the situation i'm in, looking at shit apartments at exuberant prices. it's insane.
the last place i lived in i was in for 15 years, in NYC time, thats a lifetime. i miss my old apartmrnt, my old neighbrhood, and friends from the building, but just can't imagine being back there, as i have also some bad memories that can't nor shouldn't be erased. i was a party boy with time on my hands, a lot of money, and a crystal meth addiction...not so cute.
so as i stand on this intersection of my life, i wonder which road i should take, which paths should i cross, and which ones should be avoided.
i know exactly the ones i need to avoid, it's just a hard city to avoid them in.
so what do i do?
i'm not getting any replies to my resume, i'm not finding an apartment easily, or cheaply, and i sit here at my ex's apartment with the knowledge that he agreed to let me stay there until October 1st...then i'm out on the streets.
my head is swamped with feelings of joy for being back home, and fear for what my next steps shall be and where they will eventually lead me. one wrong turn at any intersection can get you lost, or worse, hit. it's a troublesome time, but i know myself, and i know i am fortunate, and i know, somehow i will resolve this dilema.
i hope, anyway.

photo by my friend, Rick Day

why i hate fags, #3,478

2011-09-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

quite a small and twisted world we live in...
it seems that there are only a small amount of guys in the world to have sex with...
otherwise,
why would your boyfriend sleep with a friend of yours?
aparently, neither of them thought it would get back to anyone.
ha
ladies, can we please do ourselves a favor
and avoid sleeping with our friends boyfriends, or boyfriends,
if you need to cheat, can't you fins someone else in this goldfish pond of millions of fish?
this just happened to a friend of mine,
and although the boyfriend is an asshole for dooing that,
the friend is more of one...
knowing fully that it's just NOT COOL.

in a world where we are amoung the hated,
why must we ourselves, make it easy for us
to hate each other?
theres too many men in the world,
too many resources for sex,
too much of everything...
give it a break, go home and jerk off,
just leave some distance between friends and "loved ones"
that's all...
later men.

serenity has taken over me

2011-09-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

somehow, through these crazy times i'm experiencing,
looking for a job and an apartment at the same time,
a certain kind of serenity has come over me.
although stressed, at least i know, i am back where i belong.
in a city that never sleeps, with friends who rarely judge,
amoung all the other black sheep who's families don't really get them,
i feel at home.
my mod has changed completely, and that has made everything
almost fall into place.
there's something satisfying about knowing that,
even though things aren't perfect,
at least they're on their way to being perfect.
everything just feels right.
serenity has taken over me,
and finally,
i can breathe.

Freedom!

2011-09-19T06:19:00.001-07:00

freedom

2011-09-19T06:19:00.000-07:00

alas, the time has come.
i've been dragging this moment out for years,
counting on my belief that i was a man who can control himself,
always to, in the end
find i was out of control.
control over the one thing that has both given me pleasure and grossness
for years.
the one thing in my life i always go back to
smoking
the past few weeks i've been smoking as little as possible,
practically to the point of not even craving one.
2, 3, 5 cigarettes a day...
but now this morning, as usual i woke up,
poured my coffee,
came to the computer,
opened my pack of cigs,
and found that i was on my last one..
devistated for a moment,
then, it washed over me,
a hope that this would be the last of this part of my life
an end of an era
the beginning of the end.
and so, as i sit and write these words
my last cigarette burning down to the filter in my fingers,
i say to myself, this is it
it's the last time, so enjoy it
and with every puff i take,
i am exhilerated with the hopes that,
i can actually do this.
and as hard as it is for me, an addict of so many things,
to do,
it makes me happy and proud to think that maybe, just maybe,
these are the last puffs i take
i have 2 puffs or so left before the filter.
my mouth tastes awful,
but my mind stands strong in knowing,
this is it.
the filter, which i'm holding in my hand proves to me that this cigarette
as well as yet another addiction,
is over.

and it's out.

sunday morning comics

2011-09-18T17:52:00.000-07:00

- D.I.S.C.O -

2011-09-18T13:28:00.000-07:00

faggots are always "over" everything,

especially once it's hit the masses.

but every once in awhile,

you see, hear or feel something that makes you stop.

stop, just enjoy it for a minute.

let it infultrate your blood,

your mind,

your heart.

don't be so jaded,

understand that the first time you feel it,

will be the best time your ever going to experience it.

it happens only once,

the rest of the times is just you trying to get that feeling you had the first time.

so enjoy it.

something new is coming.

something fresh, exciting, daring, and unexpected.

what it is, i don't know,

but there's something in the air.

gay marriage (gross) is opening up the minds of the world,

same sex relationships are not so taboo anymore...

people are actually enjoying what we homos are doing to the world.

bringing a sense of style that the straight world could never even dream up.

please, i mean, what woman would even think of going to a straight hairdresser?

art, films, even every day packaging has our sensibility...

so just beware, not in the scary way, but beware of what we wished for,

equality,

because it's coming...

very soon,

if,

it's not already here.

Bad Romance

2011-09-18T00:35:00.000-07:00

chris raucci.

his name comes to mind when i think of many things...

like, for example...

detest.

repulsion,

migrain headaches,

cramps,

gas...

and of course, bad romances.

how things might been,

if when why and how they shoulda never been

if i got my wish at the time,

and made good of the little lost boy from Leonia, N.J.

it saddens me to think of where i'd be now,

what i'd be now,

and what a mess my life would, shoulda, could been if i stayed with him.

but i thought differently at the time,

but i was a different person at that time...

not so wise,

not so aware,

not so smart...

not the brightest star in the galaxy,

but not the dullest either.

and at least i can say i learned from my mistakes...

can you?

can he?

Body And Soul

2011-09-18T00:11:00.000-07:00

i spent my days

wondering why i did what i did,

and why i left myself such a mess.

but then i realized theres no more pretending,

my life was a wreck,

but i alone

got it all back,

to the way it is, was, and always shoulda been,

body and soul.

but without the mess,

i wouldn't have never understood,

had the knowledge of what i didn't want,

who i didn't want,

how i didn't want my life...

and i guess i never would have seen

the difference

between what's right, wrong, and best.

my body and soul is now whole.

there's no more questioning,

no more lies,

no more idiotic breakdowns

or things to deny,

i am what i am,

who i am,

what i am,

and this is why i am,

the man

i always wanted to be.

body and soul.

except whats me

2011-09-17T12:44:00.000-07:00

different angels,
different shots
different people
in different spots,
all or nothing
nothing at all
really matters anyway
they build you up just to watch you fall,
but fallings not an option,
rising is the way
to show them just how wrong they were,
and how stupid they have been.
it's time to take initiative
it's time to show them how,
i made my name a name you know,
but i'll never show you how.
cause once you thought i was done
once you said i was through,
but just sit back, enjoy the show
cause now reruns here, all new.
a different look,
a different feel,
a different take
on my mass apeal.
i did it once
i've done it twice,
now the time has come
i've paid the price.
what you see
and what you feel
will let you understand
everything i've gone through
was life, and real.
it isnt always perfect
it isnt always nice,
but now i look back, and i see
the chance i have, is here in me,
and no longer do i need to see
the price of my hypocrasy.
the price i paid has set me free,
there's nothing left,
except what's me.

round the way boy

2011-09-16T05:26:00.000-07:00

i want a man.
it's been too long..
i havent had a boyfriend in years, well, one that really counted as a boyfriend.
i consider myself to be a good boyfriend,
i mean, i don't cheat,
i cook, i'm great sex,
just ask me...
the problem is, because of what i do,
guys don't trust me
they think i'm suckin' every cock i shoot...
in reality, i never actually do.
i treat my models like that, models.
they are doing me a favor,
and i them,
and once you cross that line, it becomes something else.
something i'm not so comfortable with.
i prefer to keep work and pleasure in 2 different categories,
and i think because of that, i earn the respect of these guys.
they know i aint looking to get laid,
but in fact, i'm there for work....

so where are all these men?
in a city of 8 million people,
probably 40% gay,
why can't i find a man who gets me?
a man who's secure enough with himself to trust,
a man like me,
a man from around the way who gets it, likes it, and then, loves it.

my last real boyfriend thought i was fucking around with him when i was on a job in Chicago,
so he went online, mancunt,
found a crystal dealer, and went there and got gang fucked...
all because i was working on a porn set for 3 days,
innocently, working 15 hours a day...
made me sick,
and so, the dilema of what to do haunts me.
will i ever find that man of my dreams?
the prince charming on the white horse?
the man who will love me who has a big cock to boot?
i'm taking applications,
you know where to find me...
xo

no matter to me anyway

2011-09-15T09:13:00.000-07:00

no matter what you think or say,
i'm gonna do it my way.
no longer do i care,
no longer may i say,
do the things you think about me,
make me feel bad about myself,
ok?
so just get over yourself,
in the long run, you're not me,
and if you were you'd understand
what talent truly be.
for so long i'd get upset
at the way you frowned or say
that what i did for a living,
was not morally okay.
now i've stepped back and seen
that what i know is what i've seen,
good or bad
big or small,
it's my life, isn't it,
after all.

the beginning of the beginning

2011-09-15T05:33:00.000-07:00

just when the whole world seems like it's crashing down around you,
and hope has lost it's way,
you get a glimpse of something shiney,
a light to lead you to a brighter day.

so i woke up this morning,groggy.
i had taken 1/2 a xanex, which i stopped taking 2 years ago,
because i was wide awake last night,
probobly from excitment.
yesterday took a major toll on me because,
for the first time in my entire life,
i had the premonition,
intuition
and definition,
of who i really was, could be and wanted to be.
the realizations of such things can open up entire worlds,
entire universes and galaxys seem to come into focus,
and the shame of the stupid boy from albany, ny,
have all but diminished.

for the first time, in a long time,
i am getting ready for work,
shower, shave, dress nice,
and happy to do so.
i'm tired of my ho hum, poor me attitude,
and so i begin, start, and proudly walk
in the footsteps i can now, honestly, create.

the right place, at the right time

2011-09-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

in the animal kingdom,
we learn early on
that only the strong survive.
the weak get eaten alive.
those in between ones, struggle.
they survive, but they pay the price for not being the roughest, toughest, or the meanest

the strong survive, but then, theres the fight for
of all of the tough guys,
who's the top dog.

today i realized that in my world of top dogs fighting for thr number one spot,
theres room for a small pup who's just learning to make his way.
he's not the toughest dog,
he's not the meanest
he's not one of the smartest
but he's one of the ones who evokes change
and can see it through.
because he has courage.

today i stepped into an arena i've been dreading, affraid to enter.
it is the arena i was born to be in,
yet affraid to become part of.
porn.
i worked on one of my first camera jobs with legendary Ray Dragon
and in the end, what i was affraid of,
was what i didn't have any reason to be.
in fact, i enjoyes it,
fell into it gracefully,
almost flawlessly.
it was as if all of my fears drifted away,
and i was left standing tall,
and proud.
i did camera work which i love for a new film for a new company that has balls
cockyboyscom
and after a long day of shooting,
in the end, i realized that i had met my destiny head on.
no more am i affraid or ashamed to be associated with porn,
because in the end its the largest most profitable buisness left,
and the buisness i was obviously born to be in.
for years my roman catholic upbringing made it impossible for me to accept my fate,
but now i see
my greatest fear was just that, http://www.cockyboys.com/fear
and so now i, joe oppedisano,
resign the fact that i,
am in the right place, at the right time

back to square 1

2011-09-12T09:00:00.000-07:00

back in the building,
back on the block...
the one thing i am learning
is that no one wants to see you rock
its sad but true,
people do and say the strangest things
instead of helping you,
they hurt you,
with actions that speak much louder than words
and the words they choose,
are not so nice.

being back, is being lonely.
a lot of my friends are gone,
and i'm here, as i see it,
alone
im reaching out to an audience who's moved on,
to a crowd that's lost it's way,
and theres nothing more for me to do,
than fight.
i'm a fighter, always have been,
but this time, the fight is for real,
it's for my life,
and this fight, i wont lose.

countdown

2011-09-07T06:07:00.000-07:00

the countdown begins.
it started 2 days ago when i bought my last "official" pack of cigarettes,
and now 2 days later.i'm down to the last 3
i am determined to quit smoking, and vow i'll never buy a pack again...
the story of a chain smoker.
it's been too long tho, since i was 18,
and it's time to stop the nonsense.
i've conditioned myself to live without certain things already,
this should be easy comparatively.
inhale, exhale...
oh but i love the ritual of smoking..
the first drag in the morning, the first cigarette of a new pack that i've stored in the freezer to enhance the menthol flavoring,
is that ghetto?
either or, i will miss my dear friends, but alas
it's time to say goodbye
and so, i begin the final deep inhales
the last taste of a minty fresh Newport,
the end of an era
and now, i'm down to 2

erotic images we rarely see

2011-09-06T16:02:00.000-07:00

everyone sees things differently,

in their own unique way,

with their own individual take on it.

as i look around, i see a million things that inspire me. from the simplicity of nature, to the ultra high-tech society we have created. each and every one of us adds to the beauty, and or ugliness of the world, with our own point of view. i've been researching gay art, from beginning of time, through to now, and i am amazed at how many i find, that i have never seen or heard of, yet, they each have taken their ideas and beliefs and upbringings and created iconic examples of what it means to be gay in the time period in which they were created.

this is a continuing group of posts, that i hope will open your eyes and make you google and search out the people who are making a change for you, me, us, in the world today, as we know it.

fuck em if they don't like it!

Ben Kimura

douglas simonson

mark chamberlain

ira c smith

rafi perez

michael flint

Jacob Mott

Blondbear

idiot, me

2011-09-06T04:57:00.000-07:00

it's never quiet around here...
even on a weekend where the city was dead,
hardly a soul could be seen walking the streets,
and not a peep was even heard from those on the streets,
yet, somewhere, chaos was in full swing.
the chaos was of course self created,
self induced,
and self proclaimed by an idiot,
me,
as i did one of the all time dumbest things, again.
being back in the city, my hormones sped back up
reved up into a frenzy, to the point all i wanted to do was get laid
and so i did
but before that, while fumbling through my bags i had yet to unpack,
searching for a cock ring to wear for my first victim,
i reached in and pulled out a metal one,
one that is just about one size too small,
and i use instead as a ball stretcher
but in my haste, i shoved it on,
greased it up to get it on,
and began the fun
the fun was very fun, a redhead, which is my little secret fetish,
and then to add to the fun,
a latin boy, rather, man.
but the fun was interrupted by my ex, who's apartment i'm staying in,
and when he came home from work early and walked in on this creation of mine,
he fell out, and left.
yawn.
they left, but then the fun was just about to start.
my cock ring i had jammed on,
refused to come off, and has yet, to come off
leaving my dick swollen and sore.

i think i'm going to the hospital today to have it cut off, as the pain is excruciating,
and the fun has become a chaotic me trying to get comfortable,
readjusting myself every 3 seconds and God forbid something happen to that,
my prized possession.

ugh, can't it ever just be easy?

don't ya just hate when this happens?

2011-09-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Abby,
recently in my travels, i uncovered an ancient piece of men's jewlry that is used to lift and seperate a man's primitive organ. i bought it, and actually, wore it out this past Thursday evening
but it seemed to be a bit smaller than my size and so I used some Crisco to jam it on, and for some strange resaon, now, it seems to be stuck on my member.
It somehow just does not come off!
I have tried everything I can think of that would loosen it, like Crisco, cold water and even my nail file!
Abby, is there anything you can think of to give a girl the answer to such a mess?
Thanks,
Balled and Tortured

Dear Balled and Tortured,
Let's just face the fact that this proves once again that you are a filthy rotten whore who's had her cockring shoved on too tight and your cock swollen so bad that ya had to go to the hospital and have it cut off one too many times!
Sincerely,
Abby

don't ya just hate when this happens?

classic j/o

2011-09-05T11:51:00.000-07:00

"Paris"

2011-09-05T09:28:00.000-07:00

the weekend is officially over,
which means the holiday is done,
and the summer of 2011 is forever a thing of the past
no more tanning on the beaches or rooftops or piers
no more exhaustingly hot days
no more balmy nights.
no more.

as seasons pass,
the temperature,
our wardrobes,
our moods
change.
the end of this summer feels like a death to me.
it quietly left,
no one noticed as it slipped away last night,
yet everyone was effected,
as everyone changed.

time for a new beginning.
time for a different strategy,
time to change,
this time for the better.

you try to be nice.

2011-09-05T06:25:00.000-07:00

you try to be nice,
you try and be fair
but just maybe, think twice,
when in a gay atmosphere.
you bend over backwards,
you make them feel good,
you do more than necessary,
you do much more than you should.
they tell you they love you
they say things like, "how sweet"
but you just turn your back
and you'll find you should just retreat.
cause the things that they say
aren't the things that they mean,
it's called passive aggressive,
and these queens do it in extreme
now i just play along,
pretend not to see
just how vicious they really have been
towards me.
and when i get my first chance
i pounce like a cat,
turn the tables around
as i expose my attack.
out come the claws,
out come the fangs,
timidly in goes my prey
and i close with a bang.
cause i been there before,
and it hurts when you see
all the things that they think,
like, they're better than me!
just a word of advice,
it was fun while it lasted
but after i'm done with you, girl,
you'll be flabbergasted!

drawings by Harry Bush

Work It To The Bone - Classic House - electro

2011-09-04T16:39:00.000-07:00

in an uttely typical way,
i have spent the days
without a care in the world,
only time for play.
but somethings coming,
something good,
and this time it won't be misunderstood
by minds awry
and times i'd cry
instead it's coming back
to what it used to be,
and it's happening quite naturally
with much simplicity.

the time is now to work it out,
work it deep,
work it to the bone.
there's only sorry to be said if you don't make it work for you this time...
this is your time,
this is the place,
these are the opportunities,
i'm in the right space
at the right time
and it's all good.

Pet Shop Boys New York City Boy

2011-09-04T05:59:00.000-07:00

crazy, isn't it how life is?
i've been nearly forced into celebacy for the last two years
because of lack of interest
and lack of available warm bodies...
feeling very non-sexual and bored with the expectations of a sexual encounter gone awry.
but then,
as soon a smy Converse hit the pavement in Manhattan,
something happned, and changed inside me.
out of nowhere, my body jolted back into pigdom,
and the rest i guess is history.

the smell of the sidewalks, the sweaty cashmere covered people on 7th Ave., and the buzz of traffic transported me back immediately to my old self,
the old self i have been so sorely missing.

and all i can say is,
it's good to be back...

something truly great.

2011-09-03T17:28:00.000-07:00

photo by rineke dijkstra

photo by Davood Salek

photo by François Rousseau

photo by Walt Cessna

photo by

MR. JASON RODGERS

photo by Jeremy Kost

being a new yorker with a tenure of over 27 years,
i sometimes forget,
in my constant inner battles of retardation,
there are so many amazing artists out there
doing things that,
i sometimes feel jelous because i didnt do it myself first...
things are changing,
rotating 365 degrees
vertically as well as horizontally,
in dimensions we forget are there,
because they are so rarely seen,
and so
forrgotten
we say we are bored of,
the same old same old
but in fact,
our vision is so narrow and selfish,
that it forgets to look further for
something truly great.

erotic youth

2011-09-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

photographer Jessica Roberts, insanely rich, beautiful portraits of prepubescency, and the trouble with teens (as seen from their own insides of their very own heads)

she gets criticized for being a child pornographer,

and i understand it, but i also know what it was like being a scared little boy, no hope, nothing in my head, and a sensuality in my pants.

strange is the beauty of untapped and undiscovered love

under my thumb

2011-09-03T13:00:00.000-07:00

under my thumb,
a few boys who,
have the understanding of what daddy can do for him,
a boy who knows the importance of respect,
honor and reliability.
knowing things are going to be taken care of,
not settling for the sake of settling,
talking when spoken to,
eyes kept to themselves,
unless directed to do otherwise

the way they talk when they're spoken to.
all i see is
a change has come
when they're under my thumb

my 40's had made me discover the daddy side of me,
the part of the equation of growing up gay i always longed for
the kind of man i could look up to,
respect
and want desperatly to please,
and prove i wasn't like the other 25 year olds
i was mature.
ha!
the torch has been passed,
there's no turning back,
nor any reason for me to want to.
under my thumb
is where they should be,
best left unheard, unless spoken to,
it's down to me
a change has come
they're under my thumb.

photos by Jessica Roberts

Beautiful Day

2011-09-03T05:23:00.000-07:00

not yet 8,
the skies above are clear,
the day is empty,
yet full of anticipation
aspiration,
and glorification of a better time ahead.
a better, more deserved place
see the world in green and blue,
see your life flash in brilliant colors,
right in front of you
don't let it get away..
take me to that other place,
somplace where there's space,
to be who and what i am meant to be.
controling my destiny.
i love life today.

so

2011-09-02T08:06:00.000-07:00

so much to do,
so little time,
but wait, the time i have
is all, now, mine.
so i'll take it slow,
i'll take it sweet,
todays the first day,
i'm already beat!

Empire State Of Mind

2011-09-01T16:02:00.000-07:00

1985
last weekend of the summer,
labor day.
headed to nyc for the first time,
to live,
go to school.
im nervous,,
scared,
but that lasted 5 minutes,
and i realized,
i was home.

reading is fundimental

2011-09-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

one foot foreward,
two steps back,
did what i needed
to get back on track.
got tierd of the same old me on crack.
almost suffered a heart attack,
but sista's fine,
no, i aint black,
just here confussed
for my trip back.
how do you go
from zero to 60
in a mind stuffed only
with confussion and misrey?
on top and then down
but up once again,
i be tierd of this game,
cause it don't seem to change.
but each player knows best
what is best for their game,
and so how to use
experiences that need to cause change.

so here i go again,
i think it's time number 10,
to redirect what i know
and create a new show
for the audience to see
whats truly become of me.

movin on up

2011-09-01T04:38:00.000-07:00

tick tock.

it never stops counting down.

another second,

minute,

day,

week,

month,

year,

decade,

millenium.

but as it moves,

counts and collects,

it shows us what we can and can't be,

have,

want,

need.

every second counts.

be thankful for every second.

everyone,

everything.

fran, jay,

and jay.

my 3 best friends here,

taught me, listened to me,

helped me.

changed me.

my family put up with me,

dealt with my accidents,

my dramas,

my boredom,

my failures,

my aspirations.

for all of these people, i am forever greatful.

but now it's time to get my life back.

where i belong.

and i am telling you,

i'm going.

no looking back.

i've exhausted my 2nd 3rd and 4th chances...

my 9 lives are about up.

it's time,

i'm ready to be happy.

When I ruled the World

2011-08-31T17:02:00.000-07:00

two long years.

in that time, i have been at my best, and worst. more times than not oat my worst. i've been bored, sleepy, because nothing here excites me. i have few friends, but the ones i have, i adore. maybe i'm learning more about myself and my life... maybe i've grown, maybe i'm moving up and on to better things. maybe. i'm at the same time sad as i am thrilled. although living at home and helping my parents has been a hideously exasperating experience for me, it also made me realize that if i hadn't come up and spent this time, one day i would have regreted it. watching your folks grow older isn't fun, but it teaches you a lot about the circle of life, and how we take care of and love each other as a people. i will miss my mothers complaining, my fathers aches, but i'll also miss my mother washing my clothes and cooking dinner, and my father taking my dog out to his friends farm every morning. i will one day miss the closeness i gained here, for once it's gone, i think i'll understand just what it really means. i'm tired.

i'm excited.

i'm ready. what i leave behind tomorrow in my journey back to myself, i will know i earned, i cherished, and i experienced because i HAD to. my times as a mess i hope are over... maybe. better be. turning 45 this winter will make me finally realize i'm an adult. it's time to make changes, it's time to move on, it's time to grow up. and now, i honestly think, hope, pray, and feel, i am ready.

when i used to rule the world, it was a different place. it was before towers collapsed, it was a kinder place, i was younger, more eager, and more excited. but that was when i ruled the world. now i start from scratch. but i don't feel bitter, no, i feel happy to have this chance, again, once more. to begin, learn from my mistakes, grow, rise, fall, rise, and if i rule the world again, whatever...

i was there before, and it wasn't so great. it's just an illussion, a pretty one from the outside, but it killed my insides. killed me inside.

but that was when i ruled the world.

and what did i rule anyway?

the world is tiny.

and i am unimportant.

i did my part, now it's time for change.

sweet home alabama

2011-08-31T12:34:00.000-07:00

everything happens for a reason,

so i've been told,

and so, i've learned.

last night i was driving home from a friends when my car started coughing, hiccuping, gasping, and finally, on the side of highway 787 South, died. it was 11:47 pm, thank God it was warm, and thank God i didn't panic when i realized i had in fact forgotten my cell phone....jesus christ i'm an idiot.

i managed to get the car to the side of the road and out of speeding traffic, and as i did, i noticed that, up ahead about a half a mile, there seemed to be a rest stop. hopefully they had food, cause i was starving.

i started walking.

it looked closer than it actually was, i guess the glaring lights in the distance seemed close, as i had wished them to be, but in fact, the road curved, and the walk took me about half an hour. by the time i got there, i was sweaty, and starving.

the closer i got, i also noticed it wasn't an actual rest area with McDonalds and Starbucks, but a truck area for the truckers to pull over and sleep. fuck, i thought, i hope theres a pay phone at least. i walked past the huge 18 wheelers, bright red and yellow lights blaring on them, engines on, making a shitload of noise, and yet, the windows were blacked out with curtains...fuck fuck fuck, i was stranded.

as i walked further down the line of huge silver rigs, i stepped off the road and onto the grass area that went into woods. i stopped. there was a trucker, maybe 50, beer bellied, but muscled, pissing from his giant hanging cock, he looked over and caught my eye...i turned, he yelled "whats up son" as he continued to urinate.

"me?" i said

"get ur ass over here boy" he said as he shook his meat at my mouth which was now opened and watering, and as natural, i did as told.

i dropped to my knees with my opened mouth, hands on the grass, and looked up as he pulled back his foreskin, pissed down my gulping throat until he was finished, and shook the head into my mouth, getting it hard, i sucked it, worshiped it, and forgot where i was, and exactly why i was there.

about 5 minutes later he grunted, dumping a huge load which i swallowed, all tooo eagerly.

"damn my buddy would love you" he said..."who's your buddy?" i asked, still in oblivion. he picked me up off the ground from my left arm, and pulled me off the ground and threw me against the wheel of one of the trucks, knocked on the door twice, heard a grunt, opened up the passenger side door, and i was motioned to climb in.

by the time i got out, the sky was turning pink and purple, the birds were chirping, and i could barely walk.

Too Hot

2011-08-31T09:42:00.000-07:00

my life

2011-08-31T07:33:00.000-07:00

tuesday, 7am
on my second cup of coffee,
i quit smoking, so i'm recycling butts out of the ashtray...
makes me feel like a non-smoker because i'm so grossed out.
so, i'm packed, i'm ready.
today i have to finish up mu little portfolio,
go to the dry cleaners,
grocery store to buy food for Buddy,
and then sit for another two days.
it's misery really.
as the days go by, i start to think of what i'll be doing in three more days, two more days, one!
then, as usual,
i drove to my friend Jay's house to relax, swim, and think.
thinking is apparently over rated, because it fell short as i,
once again,
was driving,
minding my own business,
and my car broke down.
caput.
nada.
zilch.
dead.

again, there is a reason i should be in NYC, and not driving.
cars hate me.
but then i thought again,
and realized it's just destiny calling,
getting me back to my world,
my life,
my comfort zone.
and it all made sense.
it's all coming back to me now.

where do i begin?

2011-08-28T20:29:00.000-07:00

sometimes things happen,
and as i believe, they happen for a reason.
you do something purely to remind yourself
just what you don't want in your life.
you remember the mistakes you made in the past,
they resonate in your mind,
and make you see how and why you want to change.

i am undergoing that change right now,
and it sucks.
as i finish my tenure in Albany, NY,
i look back and smile...
yes, it was a hard time,
so why do i find it so hard to pack.
maybe it's the hurricane.
maybe.
i can't think,
all i do is sleep,
and a million idea spop into my head,
over and over again.

ENOUGH!

but it never is.
how do i start?
where do i begin?

www.joeoppedisano.com

classic J/O

2011-08-21T06:39:00.000-07:00

Best Thing I Never Had

2011-08-21T05:22:00.000-07:00

last week my boyfriend Charlie dumped me for some younger piece of meat.
chicken should be left breaded and fried,
but it is good when it's reheated and eaten up.

last night i went out to a club with some friends, trying to get over my hurt self. i got drunk on two drinks, peach vodka and 7-up with a splash of cranberry... i'm such a lady...
but while i gulped down my first drink, i noticed i was being cruised by some hot young boy. he was about six foot, lanky, but muscle-y. he was looking over, smiling. he was cute, but what was i gonna do with that? he came over to me after about fifteen minutes and introduced himself, mike. mike smiled his charming smile agin, laughed, and made me forget what i was doing there in the first place. maybe chicken aint so bad. we danced for a while, and while we were dancing, he kissed me. it was so gentle, cute, and sweet. my heart melted a little. "where have you been, daddy" he said. "in the wrong place" i said. we went back to my place and cuddled all night, made out, and this morning, made love. not fucked, but actually made love. it was so nice. so different, so, so, so sweet. it made me forget that guy i went to the club to not think about... but then, something strange happened...
after laying in bed for a while, we decided to get up and grab some Starbucks. we got dressed, me in a Izod polo and jeans, he in his ripped up fashion-tank top from last night and his jeans, looking very cute, very 24, and very not been home last night.
then, it happened.
we were sitting in the window talking, exchanging numbers and saying what a great time we had had, when Charlie walked past the window, looking panicked, until he looked and saw us in the window. oh God i said...Mikey, my "date" from last night had his back to the window, so didn't see my ex, and i hoped Charlie would just do like Dionne and walk on by, but no, of course, he ran in, and when he did, he looked at me, sad, confussed and then he turned to Mikey "Where were you last night!" he yelled...
Mikey dropped his head a little, then looked up at me, and said quite innocently, "I was out, with Joe"
wait a minute, rewind....what was happening, and then, i started laughing..."THIS is your new boyfriend!?" i said "i thought so" Charlie yelled, "Boyfriend?!" Mikey said....
and then it all hit me, and it all made sense...

and so, it has been written.

tow up

2011-08-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

when the tow truck pulled over and the driver got out,
i stopped and stared.
damn, daddy was hot.
he wore beat up old Carhartt's and a dirty tank top,
he had a thick black beard
and he smelled like grease,
what more could you ask for.
he stumbled around the hood of my car, looking in,
and then started hitching the car to the truck.
he didn't say much, but he didn't have to.
he grabbed the crotch of his Carhartt's a few more times than necessary,
showing off a thick piece of meat inside the baggy jeans.

i got in the passenger side of the truck as we drove back to the shop,
my dick was bulging in my pants as i watched him drive,
he noticed, obviously,
because he said simply,
"you need to take care of that"
i laughed, embaressed,
until he reached over and grabbed my crotch and asked if i was in a hurry.
"nope" i said.
"good"
he drove for about another ten minutes and then pulled into
an abandoned parking lot of some old strip mall.
he stopped the truck, put his seat back, and kicked back.
it was all he had to say.

and...

2011-08-19T14:49:00.000-07:00

a stoplight in the desert.
a pick-up truck waits,
an 18 wheeler pullls up.
the light is slow.
the drivers exchange glances,
smiles,
obviously both interested and like what they see.
the heat is intense.
their hands move to their crotches,

they jump out of their trucks and...

Flirtin' With Disaster

2011-08-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

the heat was blistering, really, just one of those days. and the sun was so high and hot, it pounded down and drained you. the guy dripped as soon as he walked out of the gym, and into his mustang convertable. he turned on the engine, and as soon as he started to drive, he felt some relief, but it was still too hot, so at the first red light, he pulled off his tank top, exposing a very well defined torso. he took a turn onto the highway, and sped up. his cock was aching, he was horny...again. he started pulling at his cock, shorts got pulled down around his meat, and he started jacking while driving. this was a custom to him, and he loved it.

as he drove 65 down the highway, he came up upon an 18 wheeler, his cock grew, he loved a truck driver...
as he sped up and pulled up next to the shiny metal rig, he saw a hot bearded daddy trucker inside, peering down, and he got an eyeful. the trucker raised his brow and smiled, he sure did see everything on the road. neither of them sped up, or slowed down, and the trucker pulled his horn, giving a huge sign of approval. as they drove, they both noticed up ahead, a sign for a rest area...and they both smiled, and pulled over.

truckstop story #2

2011-08-19T10:32:00.000-07:00

pickup truck pulls up to a rest stop.
it's late, about 11pm.
a boy walks out of the pickup truck, and walks towards a tree to urinate.
as he does, he catches the eye of a trucker taking a piss out in the open.
the trucker yells at the kid, telling him to "get over here"
the kid does as told, and finds himself on his knees getting pissed on,
and then sucking the truckers cock off.
when the trucker finishes, he says to the kid,
"goddamn my buddy would love you"
who's your buddy the kid asks,
the trucker lifts the kid up and brings him to one of the parked trucks at the rest stop,
bangs on the door, and throws the kid in.
the kid leaves at about 6 am.

late for what?

2011-08-18T23:27:00.000-07:00

he knew he was late,
he always was...
but that was just his make.
no matter what he did to prepare and leave early,
he never ever got there on time.
this time it was his fault,
he was driving down the mountain highway road,
unsure of where he was going,
and of course, got lost.
hs cell phone rang at that exact moment,
and he smartly looked up from the road
and noticed he was by a supermarket.
it was 1 in the morning, and closed, but he would have a few moments to gain his bearing
and not get stopped by the country policemen for driving and talking on his phone.
it was his boyfriend Peter.
they chit chatted about nothing,
Peter yelled at him that he was late getting home,
and as they spoke,
he looked up, and across the parking lot,
he saw a truck driver hanging out of the window of one of the parked trucks.
interesting...
hot.
he loved a truck driver...
the guy seemed to be looking at him,
but he wasn't sure,
maybe he was unsure how to deal with it if he actually was.
as he hung up the phone with Peter,
he looked up and saw the truck driver seemed to be sitting back in his truck,
stroking his cock...
was it really?
he started the car up,
and drove slowly past the truck,
and low and behold,
he got an eyeful of the hairy beefy trucker stroking his meat
right there in front of him, while staring at him.
he slowed the car down,
and noticed the trucker stop, look over, and motion him inside the cab.
he parked, walked quickly over to the truck,
and by the time he got there, he noticed the psasenger door was already opened.
he hopped in the trucks passenger side door, and saw the trucker had been hiding a substantial amount of himself, as he was fully naked, and hung like a horse.
when he got inside, he shut the door, and immediately was motioned to the sleeping part of the cab
where there was a bed laid out.
he quickly undressed, exposing his big fat meat,
and the trucker got on alll 4s on the bed,
and opened up his asshole,
and let him fuck him till he shot a huge load of cum up his ass.

on the way out, he realized how much trouble he would be in for being late this time,
but, he honestly couldn't care less...